I Blinked....

We had a snow day today (happy dance) and I jumped on the computer to say hi to everyone and get back in the swing of posting again.  Well, guess what I found--a post that I started last September.  So I thought instead of deleting it, I would share my thoughts from a few months ago.  Sorry, but this gives me a little bit of a 'cheat' to get back in the swing of things again.  So, let's go back in time...way back to September when it was warm and the crayons were not a broken mess on the floor--lol!

....September entry:

Oh my, I had such high expectations back in July to get back in the swing of things....Well, 'post Florida' reality set in and we have not had a free moment!  The weeks have been packed with getting Devin to school so I can rush to my classroom (before the kiddos walk in) and then rushing home after school to get him to football practice.  Whew, I am even tired just talking about it!  Our weekends have been busy with football games and other various family activities. Earlier this month marked a year since my husband had passed.  His friends held a memorial golf tournament to honor his memory and everyone had a good time--a little bittersweet.  Awards were given away for the champions (2 man team) and they had a few funny awards that they handed out also.  Sorry about the pictures, my son's phone doesn't take the best pictures.

These were the champions.

 

These were the runners up.

Now back to school stuff--
I have A LOT of things that I still want to do and I am working on them so I can share with all of you.  I am so grateful for my class--another great group!  They are the reason why I love my job.  I will try to do better posting pics of the things we are doing.  We made fried apples and applesauce this week.  I was worried about a writing lesson that was coming up--it was about families.  I wasn't sure how I would do this, so I decided to draw a picture of  my three boys and Tyler's wife Megan.  This began a discussion of husbands and wives and they asked if I had a husband--this threw me for a loop and was unexpected..  What to do?  I said yes, but it is sad because there was an accident and he is in Heaven now.  I had a tear and they were concerned for me, but I switched gears and showed them pictures of they boys and Megan.  Usually five year olds have loads of questions, but not on this day.  We moved on and so far it hasn't been brought up again.  I don't mind talking about him and do everyday; I was just not expecting their questions that day.  I am sure it will come up again and that will be fine.

Rest and Relaxation

I know it has been a LONG time since I have been on here (kinda like 6 months or so).  My life is better, but some days are still a struggle.  I find that it is difficult to get everything done and I had so many things I wanted to accomplish this summer--I am still working on them, just not quite finished yet.  I refuse to leave my blog behind because my wonderful friends on here helped me a lot during our difficult time.  If you are new and not sure what I am talking about, you can go here and read all about it.

On to good news---my family is heading to Florida with my mom and my sister's family.  We leave late tomorrow and will be there for a week.  I am looking to recharge.  I was not very excited about this trip, and I might share why later, but I am really looking forward to it and hope that it will be the beginning of happier times.

Please be patient with me and know that I am working out things in my head and in my life so that I can be the best that I can be.

I will be back full force soon---don't say I didn't warn you!

Work Day and Zumba

We had a few meetings this morning, tree is down, new projects are ready, and goldfish are in the tank.  Here come our kinders!  I thought they might need to ease back into school with our shortened week (just like me).  I don't want to begin anything new, so we will be doing some fun projects, organizing our work spaces, and reviewing our procedures and things we learned the first half of school.  I will be posting pictures of our projects later this week.

Now, why am I still up??

I went to my first 'official' Zumba class and I survived.  I am sure it looked like I was having a seizure or something...but I did have fun.  I think I did pretty good considering it was my first time--I didn't fall down.  I am a little worried about how sore I will be tomorrow...  Thank goodness I do not have recess duty, I can go refill my coffee cup while they are playing.  I will definitely need the coffee since I can't seem to fall asleep.

I was tired after the class, but then all my energy kicked in and here I am--still up.  I guess I'll go read for a little while and see what happens.

Goodnight all!

Happy New Year

It's here...the New Year...I hope it is better than last year.  Most of 2012 was great, I only have issues with the last four months, but enough of that.

I am trying to make a fresh start with the new year.  Now, that doesn't mean I won't slide back occasionally, but I will try to do my best to push hard and push forward.

We have a work day tomorrow at school and I am thankful for that.  I would love to should say that I worked on school projects, or organized something, but I did not.  I enjoyed ALL my time with family and friends.  I will spend tomorrow getting ready for my new school year.  In the past I would really try hard to put my family first, but I was guilty of thinking we would have more time to do things we wanted to do--LATER.  I make a very conscience effort to live in the moment now.  Sometimes watching a movie with family or visiting with friends is the most important thing for me to do at that moment.  And I will not feel guilty about it.  Don't get me wrong, there is time when I need to work on school projects, but it will not become the priority.  I am hoping know that I can balance family and work and still find happiness in the middle.

If this wasn't enough, I am going to try a Zumba workout with my sister-in-law tomorrow night.  I am not very coordinated, so I hope I don't break anything...wish me luck!

So, what did you do on your break?  Or will you be trying something new?

We are adapting...

---This post is kinda long and a 

warning there will be some sad parts, but happy to say there are a few happy ones too---

 I will take every small happy moment I can get...

To say we are in a better place is a mixed bag of emotions.  I am handling/feeling better than I was in September and my youngest is not on a need to know of my whereabouts every five minutes.  He is still very close, but beginning to branch out and spent a couple nights with my mom and his cousins after Thanksgiving.  Oh, Thanksgiving week, that was a crazy week!  My birthday was on Tuesday, our anniversary was Wednesday (26 years) and then Thanksgiving on Thursday.  I had a small meltdown on my birthday but happy about the new tattoo I went and got--picture later in the post.  My boys wanted to make sure I wasn't alone on Wednesday and we were going to go out for dinner, but when the day arrived I just didn't feel up to it.  My boys, sister, and her family came over and we ordered Chinese and watched movies.  I had a mini meltdown after everyone left.  Thanksgiving rolled around and I had everyone over (just like always) and I figured this was the best because I would be busy and close to my bedroom if I needed to get away for a little while.  Started the day with a few tears while talking to my mom on the phone and then was doing good while I was preparing our dinner, then it happened.  It was time for everyone to come in and eat and this was too much knowing he would not be coming to the table.  I went to my room, but my niece, sister, sister-in-law, and daughter-in-law, and mom came in and we sat for a little while while they took turns holding me and then I felt Thankful for everyone that is in my life to help us through this.  I eventually braved it and we went to the dining room and ate together.  Friday was a good day--shopping with my sister and lots of presents were found and bought.  I will do this.  I will do this...

October was a blur, I think we were just treading water and in that fog.  I really don't remember much of the month.  I know I was going through our files, organizing, searching, and completing the million things you need to do when your spouse passes.  And had to explain over and over and over again to all the companies we deal with.  Most were very supportive and that helped a lot.  It was just so hard to say the words.  We were finally getting to a part that we could function closer to our new 'normal' and then November hit.

The first Sunday in November, the day after daylight savings time, a close family friend lost their mother to a horrible accident.  She was rear ended in front of her house and was going inside to let her husband know and get the insurance card and while crossing the road was struck and killed.  She was 2 years older than me and her children are the same age as my oldest.  Her son spent the weekends with us when Frank was in the hospital and his girlfriend stayed almost nonstop while we were at the hospital.  They are members of our family even if they are not blood related.  That week brought everything crashing back down on us as we were helping them and staying close for moral support.  Really made me thankful that we had those extra days with Frank.  It was so hard watching them go through this.

But like I said, it does have some happy notes...
I was worried that my kinders would not remember me because we only shared 8 days together.  I stopped by a birthday party that first Sunday in November (earlier in the day before her accident)  to pick up something from a fellow teacher and 7-8 of my kinders were in attendance.  I was so nervous about going in,but faced it and glad I did.  My kinders were excited to see me and remembered who I was.  They were talking and hugging and watching, like no time had passed.  The parents were nervous like me and didn't say anything.  You have got to love the innocence of children!  I had planned on visiting the classroom, but couldn't after her accident, so I went the following week.  They were so excited and the ones in attendance at the party had told the others.  I felt relief and visited again that week.  I didn't go in Thanksgiving week but I did go in this past week and they wanted to know when I would be able to stay every day and not have to leave.  That will make going back on Monday a little easier...until the drive home.  That is still a challenge because I have 45 minutes to let my brain wonder about all kinds of things.

I am thankful for my family and friends, and all my bloggie buddies that have offered their kinds words and have been a huge support for us!

I almost forgot to show you my birthday gift.  I had $50 left from Frank's money clip and had been saving it for this.  I knew what I wanted and was hoping that it wouldn't cost more than the $50.  Not that I was worried about the cost, just only wanted to use that money.  I could use other money for the tip.  So it worked out that her open day to take in walk ins was on Tuesday--my birthday.  I showed her what I wanted and she drew it up and placed the stencil on my arm.  I loved it and she tattooed it.  I asked how much and she said $40.  Wow!  I didn't have to use any other money-- just the 50 dollar bill--now that is amazing.  So, here it is.

I hope to have a lot more happier posts in the future, not a promise--just a goal.

A Difficult Time

Warning----may be difficult to read, but I feel that I need to share our story...

I wanted to let everyone know that I am going through a very difficult time right now and I am working to heal my heart.  My husband suddenly collapsed Tuesday morning, September 4 while I was on my way to school.  I received a phone call from my 12 year old son that his dad was laying on the floor and he didn't know if he was breathing.  I told him that he needed to tried to wake him up and I would call 9-1-1.  While I was doing that my son gave his dad CPR.  I arrived home shortly after the paramedics and they frantically worked on him in the dining room.  They were helping him breathe and finally were able to shock his heart before leaving our driveway.  While in the emergency room they need to shock him again and then his heart began beating on its own without any further interruption.  The cardiac lab found no blockages in his heart and later found out that he had a blood clot in his leg and they suspected part broke off and went to his lung. He tried to wake up and was breathing over the monitor so they told us they needed to sedate him and help his body heal.  The hooked him to a machine called the Arctic Sun that cooled him quickly to 33*C and he stayed like that for 24 hours and then was warmed slowly over a 16 hour period.  Over the next few days we had ups and downs and without going into all the details, I can tell you that my world came crashing down because I lost part of my life when he died on that Wednesday.  My youngest son is a hero in our eyes and he is struggling with that because he didn't think he did enough.  We are assuring him that if he had not been there for his dad we most certainly would not have had the extra nine days to be with him.  Even though he never was able to talk to us or fully wake up I am assured that he fought as hard as he could to be with us and for that I am grateful.  I am taking some time off from the classroom because I want to be in a better place when I go back to my kinders.  I am working on making my family feel safe again and will work on school projects while Devin is at school--this will help me stay in my 'teacher form'.  I still am unable to process everything that has happened because he was a healthy person.  He had just been to the doctor the month before for a check up.  There were no typical warning signs and I am told that even had he gone to the doctor that morning it would have been unlikely that they would have suspected a blood clot.  I struggle with my emotions daily and am trying to find my new 'normal'.  We were very close and usually where one was, the other was close behind.  During a time like this you find out who you can count on, and sadly there are one or two who should just keep there mouth shut.  I am thankful for family and friends and my school family,  Everyone has been very patient and understanding.  It is easier to write the words than to actually say them.  I am finding that I am forgetful now and the emotions change often and all over the place.  Please pray for my family.  I am not noticing any red line errors and I really don't want to go back and reread my post, so please forgive my rambling.  I know with prayers I will get to that safe place again.

I love that man.

First Week...

The new school year began for me this week, even though I have been working on my room for a few weeks.  I have been getting things ready, even though I do not put much on the walls because I like to do this with my kinders.  I even set my calendar wall up with my kinders.  I want them to have ownership of what is in our room and know where they can find things because "we" have put it there.  One thing we did this week was read The Kissing Hand--I am sure many of you do this with your kiddos, so this may be a little late, but you can have it anyway! 

Click here to tag it!

I am not sure where the wordage came from because I have had it FOR.EVER!  I just put it in a different format, a border, and  a little simpler.  I forgot to take a pic of the finished product, but you will get the idea...  I put paint on my kinders hand and put the hand print in the open area and then put paint on a finger and placed it on the hand twice to make a heart.  I will try to post a pic next week because I a kinder leave early that day and his isn't finished yet.